Elementary School Teacher Sets Herself On Fire

Belfast Telegraph-"A secondary school maths teacher sprayed herself with a flammable liquid and set herself alight in a playground in southern France at break time, France's education minister said.  The Motive behind the incident was not immediately clear." 

  The motive behind the incident was not immediately clear!? Are French people really that dumb? Seriously I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often.  Let me assure you no matter what Ron Burgundy tells you Ms. Human-Torch did not light herself on fire because she was denied a bank loan, she did it because she was sick of her shitty life dealing with slimy kids.

   I'd probably do the same thing on the first day of school if I was an elementary school teacher. Don't get me wrong I don't mind being around little kids; I do however mind being around the same 20 brats for 40 hours a week 10 months out of the year.  Just constantly having to deal with kids not being able to wipe there ass and worrying about Steve picking his nose and flicking his boogers on Sally.  Then you got the kid that smells funny, and on top of it all you gotta try to keep the smart kids entertained while you try to get the kid who can't count to ten up to speed on his multiplication tables.  People wonder why they give teachers tenure, it's so they don't have to worry about losing their job on top of getting your kid to sit still and learn for couple hours a day.    

   The best part of this story is that she did it infront of everyone... kinda like a giant fuck you to her entire class. She didn't wait for everyone to go home, she didn't do it in the parking lot, she did it right in the middle of the playground during recess. The real question these people should be asking is not "why did she set herself on fire?" but "when did she set herself on fire?".  If she did it at the end of recess she probably just hated life, but if she did it during the first half she's a sociopath.  How is the fat kid gonna get motivated to be skinny if you try to off yourself before he can get picked last for kickball? Selfish bitch. 

   I personally had no problem with my second grade teacher, but if I was ever at recess and one of the miserable cunts that worked at my elementary school set themselves on fire it would have been the best recess ever. That has to be one of the best stories you could ever tell your grandkids right?  Like what else could possibly happen to you when you were 7 that you could tell 60 years later and someone would still give a shit? 

Is This Real?

   So this isn't a serious song right? Like this is just a guy who's good with pro tools and owns a video camera.  He doesn't have a record deal does he?  What's that?  He has 5 studio albums out? No fuckin way. Fuck writing blogs, I'm gonna go buy me a cowboy hat and become a country singer. How many fucking times in the song does this dude say, "Hell ya I like beer!"? Uhh newsflash bro so does every other air breathing creature on the Earth.  What's next a song about how much you like football?    
   There is no doubt in my mind that if I had a major label pedaling my songs I could easily write a billboard top 100 hit. It seems like a pretty simple formula: learn a cord or two on the acoustic guitar, pick a redneck activity you like, and sing about the activity for 3-4 minutes while you strum some cords. I'd be the Bruce Dickinson of country music.
   I can't quite put my finger on it but there's some kind of effect, like reverb or something, that all country artists use so they sound similar.  My theory is that they do this so dumb rednecks can easily identify their music but maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe it's like when you're out in public and you hear foreigners talking in their native tongue and to you it sounds like there talking ridiculously fast but in reality its the same pace that you speak english.  Maybe I think all country singers sound the same because I'm not cranking that stuff out of my speakers 24/7.  Do people who listen to country think all rock bands or all hip-hop artists sound the same?  I guess this is just one of those questions we'll never know the answer to like "what's the meaning of life?" or "who invented the s'more?".     
   I wish the worst part of this video were the lyrics of the song but unfortunately they're not. By far, the worst part of the video is the inclusion of the Red Sox starting pitchers (minus Dice K I guess he's more of a scorpion bowl kinda guy). As if I needed another reason to hate the sox after they ripped my heart out.
   This all but confirms the Herald's report that pitchers were drinking beers in the club house on their off days. Not only do they embarrass themselves singing this dumb song but Lackey and Beckett can't even keep it together.  The only explanation is that it was filmed during batting practice and they decided to shotgun some brews before they shagged fly balls.
   What are players on a team from the north doing singing country songs?  They're no chance in hell this gets played on the jumbotron, and not just because the P.C. police would have an aneurism.  Granted, I would take this song over Sweet Caroline but that's not saying much. Sox players should stick with the Murphys if they're gonna get involved with music.  The message is the same but there is exponentially higher amounts of talent present. Let's hope their agents sit them down this off season and tell them to get their shit together and stick with their day jobs; unless of course they plan on releasing an album like the great former sox ace Bronson Arroyo.

   P.S. I gotta give credit where it's due, there's some first round talent in this video... too bad I don't have a snowball's chance in hell because I'm not a blood relative.