I'm Sure This Is Helping Marcus Lattimore Recover Quickly

            Every week that passes I am more and more convinced that the government created college football to ensure that the south would never again have the ability to revolt.  This woman is a great example.  As if the ridiculous get up isn’t enough, she goes and makes a video in which she sings a song dedicated to a player that doesn’t even play on “her” team.  The scariest part about the south is by far how passionate they are about watching 18-22 year olds play football.   

NBC Wins Rights To Broadcast EPL In America

NBC has won the American Broadcasting rights to English Primer Legaue games starting in 2013.  I absolutely love this move from NBC.  Selfishly I am slightly concerned that the number of games I will be able to watch will go down with the loss of ESPN 3 streaming, but this is a great move for NBC to eventually compete with the four letter network. 

NBC currently shares rights to air MLS games.  The MLS is comparable to NBC in that it is much less established than other foreign soccer leagues.  The MLS will only be popular when they can make enough revenue to pay the elite players as much as they can in other leagues.  The MLS is lightyears away from a matchup that is comparable with Chelsea v Man U.  While there are sure to viewers who are just lovers of the game and willing to watch anything most people will want to watch the best product out there.  There is a very good chance that in the next ten years American popularity of leagues such as the EPL grow at a larger rate than the other major sports simply because there is so much more room to grow. 

Lets face it, ESPN has loyal viewers in fans of the NBA, MLB, NFL and College Football.  No matter how much money NBC pays to get a piece of those pies the majority of viewers will go to ESPN for coverage regardless because ESPN is a more established brand.  However, the NHL and EPL both have growing popularity.  These growing fan bases really don’t have a place to go for coverage and starting next year their best option will be NBC.  If NBC can establish a good base of viewers from hockey and soccer fans they can eventually expand to the other major sports and take a serious swing at ESPN.  At the very least it will keep ESPN honest and make the cut the “when was the last time Lebron took a shit” talk and produce more quality shows like the 30 for 30 documentaries. 

David Stern Is Retiring!!!!!

I finally understand how Dorothy felt after she killed the witch in the Wizard of Oz.  David Stern is retiring, hallelujah! We’re finally free from that smug arrogant ass hole! Wait, what’d you say? He’s not retiring till February 2014? Jesus Christ.  So for the next year and a half we have to witness the David Stern farewell tour?  It’s not enough that ESPN spends too much time showering the insufferable superstars of the NBA with praise now we need to watch them give David Stern credit for everything good that has happened in the last 30 years.  “David Stern invented the Internet, Google, and Facebook!”  

Stern inherited the NBA with better circumstances than Clinton inherited the presidency.  Sure Bill was in the White House during the dotcom boom but look at everything that happened in the NBA the first four months of his tenure.  The Lakers and the Celtics, Magic vs Bird, squared off in arguably the greatest NBA finals of all time.  It was a thrilling seven game series where the two biggest names in the league faced off. But wait there’s more! The top five picks of the ’84 draft included Jordan Barkley and Olajuwon. That’s the most dominant player in NBA history, one of the best power forwards in NBA history, and arguably the best center in NBA history all within the first couple months of his tenure.   

On top of walking into the best situation possible his whole tenure is clouded with conspiracy theories.  First you have him fixing the 1985 draft so the best player (Patrick Ewing) goes to the biggest market in the lottery (New York).  Then you have the whole referee conundrum that I don’t really want to go into huge detail with because I’ll go on forever but let me just say the fact that the man TimDonaghy called as much as his bookie (Scott Foster) is still officiating games is despicable. Then this last year there is controversy that he rigged the draft so that the team the NBA currently owns gets the number one pick in the draft.  While this claim is based solely on speculation but the way he handled that Jim Rome interview was atrocious (once again I’m goning to end this here because I could write a whole blog on this alone).  If he is that upset by speculation like this why not just show the ping-pong balls getting dropped on live TV like mega millions?

David Stern is an arrogant prick and while he didn’t screw up bad enough to do any damage to the league he certainly did not turn water into wine.  

Mitt Romney Lied To Help Aid Friend In Divorce Settlement

TMZ: Mitt Romney LIED under oath when he testified in the divorce of his good friend and screwed the friend's wife out of a lot of money in the process ... so claims the ex-wife of Staples' founder Tom Stemberg.
     Multiple sources connected with the divorce tell TMZ ... during Tom's uber nasty divorce case with ex-wife Maureen, Mitt Romney gave a deposition and testified during the trial that Staples was worth virtually nothing. Romney testified that the company was worth very little and Tom was a dreamer and "the dream continues."
     Romney characterized the Staples stock as "overvalued," adding, "I didn't place a great deal of credibility in the forecast of the company's future." 
     Partly as a result of Romney's testimony, Maureen got relatively little in the divorce, but we're told just weeks after the divorce ended, Romney and Tom went to Goldman Sachs and cashed in THEIR stock for a fortune.  Short story -- Romney allegedly lied to help his friend and screw the friend's wife over.

     Let me start this off by saying my thoughts on this story will literally be as non-partisan as humanly possible.  In the interest of full disclosure, I dislike both major candidates running for president.  The thought that someone would base their vote for the leader of the free world on a silly story like this is sickening.  

     Lets ignore that the subject of this story is running for president.  Instead lets pretend for a second that the man who allegedly lied under oath about the value of a company was not Mitt Romney and was just some other suit wearing douche bag.  This guy gets on the stand and gives his opinion on the company.  Its pretty tough to prove whether he's lying or not as it is his OPINION on the future of the company.  Even if he was lying, why does this woman deserve any of Staples' shares?  Was she the one that started the business? Was she the person that put money into the venture capitalist group? Was she even the person that brought the investment opportunity to the group and/or encourage investment in Staples?  

     My left testicle has just as much to do with the success of Staples as this woman does, but because of social norms in this country she is entitled to half of her husbands wealth?  The only thing she did that my testicle didn't was make her husband grilled-cheese sandwiches ever day when he got home from work. The suit wearing douche bag didn't screw anybody over, he simply helped a friend get what was rightfully his, and for that he should be commended.        

And The Mother of The Year Nomination For The Month of October Goes To...

Santa Cruz: A 29-year-old Clearlake woman arrested last weekend gave birth to a baby in the lobby of the Santa Cruz County Jail early Monday morning.

     The woman had been arrested on suspicion of being drunk in public Sunday afternoon. Jail staff initially refused to book her because she was pregnant and intoxicated, sheriff's Sgt. Steve Carney said. She was evaluated at Dominican Hospital and then brought back to the jail Sunday evening for booking.

     The Sheriff's Office is not identifying the woman because of medical privacy laws.

Early Monday morning, she was released when jail employees determined she was sober and OK to leave. Her brother was waiting in the parking lot and as the woman was being escorted out of the jail lobby, she went into labor. Medical staff at the jail assisted the woman, who delivered a baby girl estimated to be two or three months premature.

     I realize I'm starting about ten months too late but I've decided that I would like to dedicate at least one blog a month to the wonderful parents all around America. Then I figure at the end of the year I can assemble a dream team of sorts.  A parenting template if you will where people from around the world can look and follow the fine example these individuals have set.  

     So this fine young woman was arrest for being drunk in public and to make matters worse it was on Sabbath.  How could anyone consume the devil's nectar on the day of the lord? Obviously I'm joking, but she probably figured if she just got buzzed the baby would be fine. Seems logical to me.

    You don't hear about babys being born in jail too often.  The only one I can think of is Bane; if the Dark Knight Rises was as accurate as Christopher Nolan said it was the baby will grow up to be the next Ted Kaczynski.  I'd love to get inside the head of this chick.  I need to know if she is stupid or just wanted a last minute abortion and tried downing a bottle of wine before she ruined a perfectly good wire coat-hanger. The sheer volume of people's stupidity will never cease to amaze me.  

The Pussification of America Continues: UNC Stops Using "Freshman" Because It Isn't Gender Inclusive

UNC: The University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill has removed the word “freshman” from official university documents, citing as their reason an attempt to adopt more “gender inclusive language.”

     We are “committed to providing an inclusive and welcoming environment for all members of our community,” reads a statement administrators sent to Campus Reform on Monday.

     “Consistent with that commitment, gender inclusive terms (chair; first year student; upper-level student, etc.) should be used on University Documents, websites and policies,” it continues.

     This is sickening.  I guess this is what happens when you spend your entire life in the fantasy world of academia.  While not all college faculty is hysterical, like everything else in life, the crazy ones define the group.  People never cease to amaze me.  Has anyone ever been offended by the word freshMAN? Seriously what should we say freshbeing, freshmeat? We are all just human beings made of meat after all.  If you are seriously offended by the word freshman you should dive head first into the shallow end of a pool.  You wanna be offended? Lets change it to freshcunt or just cunt for short.  "Hey look at that 'cunt he has no clue where he's going" "Looks like that 'cunt never drank in 'high school." "I can't believe t hat 'cunt just asked his professor if he could go to the bathroom." Talk about first world problems.  You know you live in a prosperous place when people are complaining about a term that has been used for over a hundred years, which no one has ever had a problem with.  Ya lets not worry about the fact that our country is broke and spending a trillion dollars more than they take in every year and focus on the real issues like gender insensitive terms. 

Sox Hire John Farrell

     Over the weekend the Sox traded Mike Avilles, a broken fungo, and a bag of baseballs to the Toronto Blue Jays in return for manager John Farrell.  Historically, trading for a manager is disastrous.  This year the Marlins went 69-93 after trading for Ozzie Guillen last off season, and when the Devil Rays traded for Lou Pinella in 2003 they went 63-99.  I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the Red Sox will have beter results this year than they had their first years.
     Not only are the Sox not located in the hell hole that is the state of Florida, but this situation is completely different from the other two.  John Farrell was on the Sox a few years ago and is familiar with the majority of players on the team.  He also got out before the shit hit the fan in 2011.  Most importantly, the last two years John Farrell was pitching coach for the Sox their startes held opponents to the lowest average in the American Leauge.  In theory his presence should have a positive impact on pitching, an area in which the Sox need all the help they can get.
     The Sox will not win the World Series in 2013 but they will be much more competitive.  They have some holes in the line up that they need to fill but it would be shocking to see them make any major acquisitions this off season.  That being said, the American League East is no loger powerhouse it once was. Every team in the division is equally capable of winning the division and falling flat on their faces.  A realistic outlook for next season would entail winning 85 games or so and being in contention for the playoffs late into September.  While the team will enter next season with a new cast of lesser known names it will be exciting to watch the team's identity transform back towards the winning culture of 2004-2007.

Woman Sues Casey Anthony For 3 BILLION Dollars!

Huffington Post:  A Pennsylvania woman filed a$3 billion lawsuit against Casey Anthony, claiming that Anthony threatened to kill her, RadarOnline.com reports.In the lawsuit, Naomi Riches alleged that Anthony "is an Illuminati actress" who made threats to kill her and who caused her "severe psychological damage." She also claimed that Anthony was "in cahoots" with both TV personality Nancy Grace and the U.S. government. The lawsuit, acquired by RadarOnline.com and dubbed the "craziest lawsuit ever" by gossip columnist Perez Hilton, reads:

"Casey Anthony and Nancy Grace are working in cahoots with one another to fill the media with propaganda so that American Citizens believe there is Justice in this country…Casey Anthony called my house August 2011 and told me that my life was being exploited and that I was a hated nation wife, she told me she would come to my house in Fort Collins, Colorado and kill me just as they did Peggy Hettrick in 1987. She let me know that my left eye would be stabbed out as a part of the Illuminati symbolism.She told me that the government was going to find a way to tap into my water pipes and poison my water supply. I was terrified to shower and drink water for months. I had to spend $600.00 on bottled water. "

     This whole time I just thought that crazy bitch Casey Anthony just killed her kid and got away with it.  Now it all makes sense.  She didn't just murder her baby, she sacrificed it to Lucifer. Why didn't if figure this out sooner?
     While most conspiracy theories are crazy this one has some extra "what the fuck" sprinkled on top.  A good conspiracy theory will say that the government is trying to brainwash people or lie to them; this one just says Casey Anthony filled the media with propaganda.  Propaganda for what agenda exactly, the kill your kid agenda?  I don't get it. Was she on the stand during her trial lobbying to get healthcare reform passed while simultaneously trashing jews? Also, why does the illumiati need to kill her and stab her eye out in addition to poisoning her water? That doesn't seem very cost effective to me, but then again I guess the illuminati have plenty of money seeing that they run the music industry. I just pray that this woman doesn't have any kids so she can't pass on this crazy to another generation of welfare recipients.

P.S. If you Google Peggy Hettrick you'll see that this woman was murdered and mutilated to the point  the cornier said it had to be done with surgical tools and a high amount of skill.  The state of Colorado went on to convict a fifteen year old of the crime only to exonerate him 10 years later. Only in America...  

Everyone Needs To Calm Down About The Patriots

     Anyone who says the Patriots are in trouble are spoiled and delusional.  Are they the best team in the AFC at this point? No, but look at the last two Super Bowl champions.  The Giants went 9-7 (including a stretch in the middle of the season where they lost 5 of 6) last year and the Packer went 10-6 the year before that. Hell, the Pats only had a bye week in the playoffs for one of their Super Bowl wins.  It doesn't matter how you make the playoffs, just how you play once you get there.  While a lot of people want to focus on the fact that the Pats' defense blew another ten point lead in the 4th quarter I'd like to point out the positives.  

     First off the offense got the ball with under two minutes down three and were able to drive down the field and score.  You don't have to be a brain surgeon to realize that up to this point the Patriots have struggled in close games.  This win was a huge step in the right direction for them.  The ability to play from behind is without a doubt something they will need to be successful in the playoffs.  That being said, it is clear they need to work on the 4 minute drill.  For some reason when they are up in the 4th quarter and need a couple first downs to seal the win they can't do it.  

     The other thing that was promising about the Patriots game was the defense. Now that you're done rolling your eyes and laughing at me for being a homer hear me out.  Yes, the secondary still looked lost at times; giving up five plays for a gain of 20 yards or more.  That being said, when they needed to make plays they did.  After the McCourty fumble the Jets got the ball with amazing field position and the Patriots' defense held them to just a field goal.  Then in overtime, they were able to force a turnover and end the game. Was it the cleanest victory? No.  Did it help that Mark Sanchez refuses to throw the ball away? Yes.  Regardless of what you think about Mark Sanchez those plays don't happen if the D-line didn't step it up big time.  You could even argue that the safety was a product of the D-line.  If Vince Wilfork doesn't absolutely destroy the Jet's offensive line than Sanchez doesn't shit himself and fuck up the handoff to Greene.  

     Now don't misconstrue what I'm saying.  I'm not telling you to go out an buy your ticket to New Orleans because the Pats are locks to win it all.  All I'm saying is they aren't that far away from being championship contenders.  They are easily the best team in a mediocre division and despite a sup-par secondary they would still be favorites when matched up against any team in the AFC with the exception of the Texans. Meanwhile the young defense will continue to improve in the weeks to come while the pretenders of the league crash and burn.   

Maine Republican Party Attacking Democratic Opponent Over Her "Disturbing Alter-Ego"

Maine Republican Party:  Colleen Lachowicz, the Democratic candidate for State Senate District 25 (Waterville), has been living a time-consuming double life as a member of the World of Warcraft community.  World of Warcraft is an online gaming network where people play a fantasy role-playing game in an imaginary world called "Azeroth."   

      Today, Colleen is playing at level 85--the highest level one can attain.  Studies have found that the average World of Warcraft gamer is 28 and spends 22.7 hours per week playing.   

     Her character in the game is called "Santiaga," an Orc Assassin Rogue, and Lachowicz lives vicariously through her, making comments about World of Warcraft and other topics on the liberal blog, The Daily Kos.  Here is a sampling of Lachowicz's comments:  

• "So I'm a level 68 orc rogue girl. That means I stab things . . . a lot.  Who would have thought that a peace-lovin', social worker anddemocrat would enjoy that?!"
• "Yes, I am seriously slacking off at work today.  And I called my congresswoman's office today. And told them I would probably be calling everyday."

     Looks like the race for STATE Senate is heating up in Maine.  That's right state senate.  Talk about an illusion of power.  Gotta love politics.  Just when I thought it couldn't get any more ridiculous than the Scott Brown/ Lizzy Warren asbestos bull shit Maine shows up and just out does everybody.  Neither candidate has any substance to run on so instead of talking about their personal politics they just attack each other.  

     Colleen will clearly be a liability if elected.  How could you ever elect someone with an evil alter-ego? She's clearly using WoW to acquire the skills needed to be a serial killer.  I always thought it was the left-wing nuts that were saying violence in video games is ruining our society, but I guess I was wrong. What does the second quote even have to do with WoW or an alter-ego?  Talk about grasping at straws.  If you're gonna trash your opponent your're better off lying about her diddling kids than this weakness.  I'm gonna guess 99.9% of voters don't even care about the race for state senate let alone that the candidate wastes her time with WoW.    

Tom Brady Is A Man of The People

Deadspin: After spending much of July 13 again explaining the trading loss to the media and to research analysts—including making the stunning admission that the traders in London may have intentionally mismarked the trades to make them look less egregious, a potential illegality that the Justice Department is still investigating—the exhausted [JP Morgan CEO Jamie] Dimon got an unexpected call from Tom Brady, the star quarterback of the New England Patriots. (Jimmy Lee, a legendary sports fan, had arranged for it.) Brady reminded Dimon that even Super Bowl champs have bad days and told him "to hang in there." "I was surprised he even knew who I was, to tell you the truth," Dimon says. 

     When you hear about an athlete or celebrity making a phone call to cheer someone up you always You hear about athletes and celebrities alike making phone calls and visiting terminally ill patients all the time, but up until now I've never heard of one calling a CEO of a fortune 500 company after he had a shitty day.  Tom Brady is a human prozac; he'll do anything he can to make people happy. I've personally never had to tell anyone "Hey, remember how I said we lost 1 billion dollars. Well, in reality it was more like 6 billion dollars,"but I'd imagine it'd be a pretty shitty time.  I don't remember hearing anything about Brett Farve calling up Ken Lay after that whole Enron thing went down.  Why's that you ask? Because Brett Farve doesn't give two shits about anyone except for Brett Farve and TFB is a philanthropist .