Red Sox Spring Training Preview

   
     I don't usually hold grudges, especially in something as meaningless in the longrun as sports but I still can't forgive the Sox for the way last season ended.  I have zero excitement/optimism for this season and am tired of what the whole organization and fan base has become.  I'm not gonna complain about the moves/lack thereof during the offseason because they still have one of the highest payrolls in baseball and honestly there wasn't a ton of talent to pick from.  Sure, they could have resigned Paplebon but I'll save that blog for the middle of July when the Sox are in mid-season-meltdown mode.  Other than that who did you want us to sign Prince Fielder?  I think last couple of offseason kind of spoiled a lot of fans.  You can't expect a team to go after the top free agents offseason after offseason.  We as fans have gotten hung up on the superstar pretty boys of the league and forgotten about the hardworking guys like Bill Mueller's of the world.
     There a lot of weird emotions I'm having about the Sox right now, and all gay jokes aside, I really don't know what to think.  In one way it is sad to see vetrans like Wake and Tek go but I tend to fall more on the side of they should have retired last year or even two years ago.  Don't get me wrong they had great careers and all but let's be honest them retiring affects the team about as much as Hedi Watney taking a job with the Lakers affects the team.  I'm not so much sad that they're hanging up the cleats as I am that they have been steadily declining since 2007.  Call me crazy but I was much more upset when Nomar and Pedro retired despite them not ending it with the Sox.  But back to this season, and more specifically what I am sad about. I'm sad that Tito is gone and as much as someone had to be held responsable for that collapse I'm not sure he deserved to go like that.  I would have much rather seen them clean house on the field but I guess it's easier to get rid of manager with an expiring contract than under-preforming, overpaid players.  The loss of Tito didn't really hit me until this week when all the coverage of spring training started and you started seeing Bobby Valentine all over the place.  CONSPIRACY THEORY ALERT: I think they signed Bobby Valentine because of his attitude towards the media.  I tuned into NESN earlier today and saw him sitting next to TC and Gammons and it was like he never left ESPN.  Now I'm not gonna jump the gun and make an ass out of myself before they even step onto the field but it just doesn't feel right to me.  Who knows, maybe once everything gets under way he'll buckle down.  It just seems to me like he's still in media mode and not quite in manager mode just yet.
     Before I end this blog I just want to say that I pray to God the Boston media doesn't pull some story out of it's ass to create controversy that is nonexistent (see Tim Thomas' political views).  I don't want to hear it in June when some no name is the fifth starter and the Sox are five games out of first that the reason they didn't sign anyone this offseason was because John Henry spent all his money on Liverpool. If anyone thinks that the roster of Liverpool and Red Sox have any kind of correlation you are delusional.  The fact is regardless of whether John Henry owned Liverpool or he owned Apple the Red Sox would not have spent any more/less money than they did this off season.  The reason the Red Sox have been frugal as of late is because: a.) they're big money deals haven't exactly been working out that great and b.) they don't like being over the luxury tax threshold. If the Red Sox go over the $178 millon  salary cap they would need to pay an additional .40 for every dollar they are over the cap. This means that signing a player to a $5 millon contract would actually cost the team $7 millon dollars.  If you're running a business it doesn't make sense to just piss away that money unless you really have to.  My theory is that they are willing to cross that threshold but only if at midseason it is determined that they are one piece away from being a championship team.  Sure, they could have signed Roy Oswalt or Edwin Jackson this offseason but guess what their rotation is Beckett, Lester, Buchholz, Bard, and Aceves and pre-season when you compare that to all the over teams in baseball they are without a doubt in the upper class of pitching rotations.  I think I'm going to stop writing now because I'm pretty sure no one has read this much but if you have congratulations.

Teacher In Hot Water After Febreezing Smelly Kid

CBC: An elementary school teacher in Newfoundland, Canada has reportedly been put on paid leave as district officials investigate a claim she sprayed a student with an odor eliminator to mask his fishy-smelling lunch. Patti Rideout told CBC News she was “very hurt and very angry” after learning the teacher of her 10-year-old son, Christian Roberts, had put him in the hallway then sprayed him with Febreze last week. Other kids at Twillingate Island Elementary School had teased him over the fried capelin meal she’d made him, she said.


     Round of applause for this woman.  I don't care if you're in graduate school or preschool there's always going to be that smelly fucker in your class that you want nothing to do with.  I know this article says it was the kids lunch but no way that's not the scapegoat for this kid's lack of good hygiene.  I'll never forget in second grade there was this kid that reeked of piss and what made it even worse is that he sat in front of the fan for the last 2 months of school when it was 99 degrees in the class room. So not only was it hotter than the hinges of Hell but the entire room just reeked of piss.  I would have paid my teacher to febreeze that kid or at least move him to the back of the room.
     That being said I give this woman a A for effort but and F on execution.  Great idea to febreeze the smelly kid but the kids in elementary school you're telling me you couldn't come up with a more subtle way to do it? Jesus I can think of ten ways to do it off the top of my head. How about you tell everyone it's time for desk cleanup and spray febreeze  on everyones desk and tell them it's cleaner, then when you get the smelly kid just "accidentally" give him a more direct spray.  Jesus, they're in elementary school half the kids can't even whip their own asses never mind know the difference between windex and febreeze.  
  

Everyone Needs To Stop With The Whitney Houston Bull Shit

   

     I get it, the bitch is dead enough.  Don't get me wrong, this death was tragic, she was a very sick individual and no one deserves to go the way she went but save the sob story will ya.  I can't take all the fake, ignorant cunts that act like they give a shit about her.  Two weeks ago if you asked a random person on the street about Whitney Houston I'd probably get a bunch of people talking about her interview with Dian Sawyer with crack is wack.  Now, if you even mention Bobby Brown and all that shit your an ass hole. It's like you die and instantly you go from sinner to saint.  Hell Michael Jackson died almost three years ago and you still can't talk about what a fucking wack job he was.
     Newsflash: you didn't give a fuck about this woman when she was alive. Why does that suddenly change when she OD's in a bathtub at the Beverly Hills Hilton? (Sidenote: did anyone think it was awkward to see the Hilton commercial at the end of the Grammy's broadcast last night?) Was this woman very talented? Yes. Was her death tragic? Yes. Is it necessary to obsess over every song she's ever released and watch every second of her Goddamn wake and funeral? Absolutely not.
     You never even knew the chick! That's one of many things I'll never understand: how you can be so upset over someone dying that you never met that you feel the need to obsess over it.  I could see maybe if it was due to some great injustice or the death of a person of power but to obsess over a singer? Last time I checked Whitney hasn't come out with new music in a long time and she wasn't an advisor to Barack or anything so her death impacts me in no way what so ever.  If you really are that upset maybe buy I Will Always Love You on iTunes and delete the shitty quality version you ripped off youtube you cheap loser.  And maybe while you're at it light a fuckin candle or some shit and move on.  No need to bury your head in the sand until she's six feet under.  Life goes on, there are millions more people out there in the same exact situation she was maybe you could do something to help the living? Or God forbid actually be conscious of the world around you and I mean relevant current events (that doesn't include what cock Kim Kardashian is currently slurping on).

Man Steals Sex Toy At Knife Point...Still At Large

TSG:  In a bid to capture the armed robber who last month stole a $250 sex doll from an Iowa City adult store, police today released a surveillance photo showing the suspect making off with the item.

Before releasing the store surveillance photo, cops pixelated it to obscure explicit images on the box of the “Fuck Me Silly #1” model “mega masturbator.” As previously reported, the stolen 20-pound sex doll is described by its manufacturer as “the most realistic piece of ass you ever fucked...Slap that big round ass and listen to the whack...it sounds and feels just like a real ass!”

According to police, the robber displayed a large hunting knife to a Romantix employee before leaving with the sex doll (the box for which is seen above). Cops described the suspect as a “white male, approximately 5'8" - 5'10", 165 lbs.”

In return for information leading to the man’s arrest, Iowa City Area CrimeStoppers is offering an award of up to $1000.

     So it's safe to say that they're not gonna be getting their plastic ass in any kind of sellable shape.  Those things look cool and all but how the fuck does that shit work? Like obviously you put the thing in the microwave to heat it up and then pretend its some two dollar whore or Modonna or some shit but how does clean up work? That's always been the great mystery of male sex toys. Does dyson have some 2-in-1 sex toy cleaner/blow job machine? Like it must feel bad enough fucking a plastic ass,  imagine how degrading it feels to fucking go in there with lysol wipes or some shit and clean it out.  They should make Mr. Clean dildos that jizz windex or some shit to clean that shit out.  They'd obviously have to be small so you don't stretch that shit out but I feel like strapping on a cleaning dildo would be slightly less humiliating than cleaning it with your tears right?  Like imagine you just finished fucking this plastic ass now you gotta lug the 20 pound hunk of plastic full of splooge to the bathroom so you can wash it out. That's some depressing shit right there.  
    


P.S. What's kinda ironic about this is if this guy get's caught he's gonna be some dude's 165 pound, self-cleaning sex toy in prison.      

Super Bowl XLVI Recap

     Not much to say here.  Absolute heart-breaker.  Pat's straight up didn't make the plays when they had to and the Giants did.  I don't think you could pin the loss on a single player, I think as a team they all sucked.  They gave the Giants 16 of their 21 points and you're not gonna win a game when that happens.  

     I give the Giants all the credit in the world for beating the Patriots.  That being said Eli Manning is not an elite quarterback.  Yes he has two superbowl rings, yes he beat the Pats in the Super Bowl twice but he is surrounded by a ton of talent.  He won both Super Bowls on miracle catches by his wide receivers  and while he was part of the reason the Giants made it to the Super Bowl he was not the X factor.  Ben Roethlisberger has two Super Bowl rings would you call him elite? No. So once again congrats to the Giants; I'm gonna go crawl back into a ball in my shower and try as hard as I can not to slit my wrists.  

Super Bowl Preview

   

     I've been putting off writing this blog for almost two weeks now, but I'm finally ready to weigh in on the Super Bowl.  I feel like a six year old on Christmas Eve but instead of being excited for an N64 I'm excited for TB12 and the Patriots to get sweet sweet revenge against Eli and the Giants.  I'm not gonna lie for the first week and a half of the two weeks between the AFC championship and the Superbowl I was scared shitless of the Giants, but I gradually came to my senses and can now say I believe the Patriots will win a close game.
     I think if you're just checking boxes saying who has a better defense who is more physical etc, etc, the Giants win but I went back and watched the videos from the winning seasons the Patriots had in the past and realized that they possess intangibles that can't be measured.  On top of that they've just had this swagger about them this week in Indy.  They are cool and confident but not cocky (which you can't really say for the other team).  Belichick is cracking jokes left and right and you can tell he just really loves this team and this team loves him right back.  He got rid of the Meriweather, Bodden, and others that he felt were uncoachable and opted for slightly less talented players that were going to give 110% no matter what and took direction much better. I realize a banged up Giants team beat the Patriots in Foxboro just a few months ago but that might as well be 2007.  The fact of the matter is the best head coach in the history of football has had two weeks to put together a game plan on a team he's has loads of film on from this season.
     I know everyone keeps saying the revenge factor is irrelevant to this game and that the teams are completely different but I'm not buying into that.  The team might not be motivated by revenge but i guaran-damn-tee you that all Brady has been thinking about is how it felt to lose in Super Bowl XLII.  Just like Elway was motivated to beat the Packers the second time they played in the squared off in the Super Bowl Brady will step it up a notch.  
     My Prediction: Pats win 27-20.  Look for Ochocinco to reel and a TD catch and the Pat's D to come up with a turnover late in the game to seal the deal.