Does Anyone Really Think Michael Phelps Is A Better Athelete Than Usain Bolt?

     I realize that Phelps is the winningest athlete in the history of the olympics.  However what is neglected is the fact that Phelps participates in an event that gives out more medals than any other in the olympics.  As of writing this, Bolt has failed to get Gold just one time in the olympics and he was 17 years old.  While Phelps has won 18 Gold medals he has also come up short 6 times.  

     If you want to throw out wins and losses because of the huge discrepancy opportunities fine.  Even lifetime swimmers have to admit that running fast is way more impressive than swimming fast.  Ask 100 people if they would rather be able to swim at 30 mph or run at 30mph and 100 out of 100 would say run.  Sure the Earth over 70% water but no one fucking lives in water.  When was the last time you heard of two people settling a bet by going to the Y and racing in the pool? Okay now when was the last time you heard two people running a foot race to settling a pissing contest? 

     Still not sold? Look at some of the greatest iconic athletes of all time (Michael Jordan, Muhammad Ali, Diego Maradona, etc.) what do they all have in common?  They all have larger-than-life personalities.  It makes listening to them talk as entertaining as watching them play.  Usain Bolt is the kind of guy that would be perfectly happy talking to a brick wall, just loves the sound of his own voice.  At the same time he is very respectful and never really goes over the line.  Michael Phelps is an extraordinary athlete  but doesn't have the personality to make him elite.  I classify him with athletes like Joe Montana.  Arguably the best to ever play their sport but once they retire they disappear, never to be heard from again.  

Missile Defense Team Watching Porn While On The Clock

Bloomberg: The Pentagon’s Missile Defense Agency warned its employees and contractors last week to stop using their government computers to surf the Internet for pornographic sites, according to the agency’s executive director. In a one-page memo, Executive Director John James Jr. wrote that in recent months government employees and contractors were detected “engaging in inappropriate use of the MDA network.”


     If somehow one out of the handful of countries that is capable of launching a ballistic missile at a major US city does so and it successfully hits its target, know that millions of peopled died because some geek was watching a chick take a dump on some dudes chest.  Those government computers have to have the fastest internet connection possible. It would surprise me if they didn't download speeds of several gigabytes per second.  With connections like that you probably run out of normal porn to watch in like a week.  I'm not even mad at these guys.  Think about it.  When was the last time a nation launched a missile  at the United States? Exactly.  Now don't get me wrong some sort of missile defense system should exist, but it's pretty easy to see that America is the paranoid dude with the tinfoil hat when you compare our military spending to the rest of the worlds.  As long as the guys are taking shifts masturbating  and at least one dude is watching the monitor at all time I'm cool with it.  It'd be a sin to have those kinds of internet connections and not watch a little porn.  

Revolutionary Idea For Women's Basketball

 
     Okay, so today I was on the elliptical at the gym watching the olympics trying to figure out how to make women's basketball more competitive with men's basketball.  After I got went through all the typical misogynistic things like playing naked, making every arena look like a giant kitchen, etc. I was struck with a brilliant idea.  A "don't ask don't tell" policy should be put into effect when it comes to performance enhancing drugs/trannys.
     I don't think I'm alone in saying that I have no interest in watching a 67-61 layup-fest also known as women's basketball.  Imagine if the broke NBA starts of yesteryear like Antoine Walker and Vin Baker could use what little cash they have left on a nice weave and some estrogen.  Who wouldn't pay to see Walker Shimmy down the court in a sports bra?  On top of that you got women roided out of their mind and it's no longer the number one play on the four letter network when a 6' 8" woman musters up the strength for a 5 inch vertical leap necessary for a dunk.