Elementary School Teacher Sets Herself On Fire

Belfast Telegraph-"A secondary school maths teacher sprayed herself with a flammable liquid and set herself alight in a playground in southern France at break time, France's education minister said.  The Motive behind the incident was not immediately clear." 

  The motive behind the incident was not immediately clear!? Are French people really that dumb? Seriously I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often.  Let me assure you no matter what Ron Burgundy tells you Ms. Human-Torch did not light herself on fire because she was denied a bank loan, she did it because she was sick of her shitty life dealing with slimy kids.

   I'd probably do the same thing on the first day of school if I was an elementary school teacher. Don't get me wrong I don't mind being around little kids; I do however mind being around the same 20 brats for 40 hours a week 10 months out of the year.  Just constantly having to deal with kids not being able to wipe there ass and worrying about Steve picking his nose and flicking his boogers on Sally.  Then you got the kid that smells funny, and on top of it all you gotta try to keep the smart kids entertained while you try to get the kid who can't count to ten up to speed on his multiplication tables.  People wonder why they give teachers tenure, it's so they don't have to worry about losing their job on top of getting your kid to sit still and learn for couple hours a day.    

   The best part of this story is that she did it infront of everyone... kinda like a giant fuck you to her entire class. She didn't wait for everyone to go home, she didn't do it in the parking lot, she did it right in the middle of the playground during recess. The real question these people should be asking is not "why did she set herself on fire?" but "when did she set herself on fire?".  If she did it at the end of recess she probably just hated life, but if she did it during the first half she's a sociopath.  How is the fat kid gonna get motivated to be skinny if you try to off yourself before he can get picked last for kickball? Selfish bitch. 

   I personally had no problem with my second grade teacher, but if I was ever at recess and one of the miserable cunts that worked at my elementary school set themselves on fire it would have been the best recess ever. That has to be one of the best stories you could ever tell your grandkids right?  Like what else could possibly happen to you when you were 7 that you could tell 60 years later and someone would still give a shit? 

Is This Real?

   So this isn't a serious song right? Like this is just a guy who's good with pro tools and owns a video camera.  He doesn't have a record deal does he?  What's that?  He has 5 studio albums out? No fuckin way. Fuck writing blogs, I'm gonna go buy me a cowboy hat and become a country singer. How many fucking times in the song does this dude say, "Hell ya I like beer!"? Uhh newsflash bro so does every other air breathing creature on the Earth.  What's next a song about how much you like football?    
   There is no doubt in my mind that if I had a major label pedaling my songs I could easily write a billboard top 100 hit. It seems like a pretty simple formula: learn a cord or two on the acoustic guitar, pick a redneck activity you like, and sing about the activity for 3-4 minutes while you strum some cords. I'd be the Bruce Dickinson of country music.
   I can't quite put my finger on it but there's some kind of effect, like reverb or something, that all country artists use so they sound similar.  My theory is that they do this so dumb rednecks can easily identify their music but maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe it's like when you're out in public and you hear foreigners talking in their native tongue and to you it sounds like there talking ridiculously fast but in reality its the same pace that you speak english.  Maybe I think all country singers sound the same because I'm not cranking that stuff out of my speakers 24/7.  Do people who listen to country think all rock bands or all hip-hop artists sound the same?  I guess this is just one of those questions we'll never know the answer to like "what's the meaning of life?" or "who invented the s'more?".     
   I wish the worst part of this video were the lyrics of the song but unfortunately they're not. By far, the worst part of the video is the inclusion of the Red Sox starting pitchers (minus Dice K I guess he's more of a scorpion bowl kinda guy). As if I needed another reason to hate the sox after they ripped my heart out.
   This all but confirms the Herald's report that pitchers were drinking beers in the club house on their off days. Not only do they embarrass themselves singing this dumb song but Lackey and Beckett can't even keep it together.  The only explanation is that it was filmed during batting practice and they decided to shotgun some brews before they shagged fly balls.
   What are players on a team from the north doing singing country songs?  They're no chance in hell this gets played on the jumbotron, and not just because the P.C. police would have an aneurism.  Granted, I would take this song over Sweet Caroline but that's not saying much. Sox players should stick with the Murphys if they're gonna get involved with music.  The message is the same but there is exponentially higher amounts of talent present. Let's hope their agents sit them down this off season and tell them to get their shit together and stick with their day jobs; unless of course they plan on releasing an album like the great former sox ace Bronson Arroyo.

   P.S. I gotta give credit where it's due, there's some first round talent in this video... too bad I don't have a snowball's chance in hell because I'm not a blood relative.
 

What Was That?

    Just as I was starting to forget what it felt like to be a Red Sox fan they did what only Kim Kardashian can do better, they blew it. I saw this thing coming a mile away yet for some reason I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.  I knew from the get go our pitching could be a problem, and as soon as they went down to St. Pete and got swept by the Rays I knew they were gonna shit the bed.  Yet the sox fan inside of me continued to fight with my brain like that awkward couple that keeps breaking up and getting back together.   It's unacceptable for any team let alone a team with a 180 million dollar payroll to go 7-20 in the final month of the season.  The most disturbing part of all was the after the game there were more "I's" than "we's". 

   You had Adrian Gonzalez pissing and moaning about how it was the most physically demanding season he's ever had because the sox had to play so many Sunday night games and how it wasn't in God's plans for the team to make it to the playoffs. Boo fuckin hoo. I'm sorry Adrian that no one wants to watch the Padres play on Sunday Night baseball but if you didn't want to be in the spotlight you should have stayed there.  On top of Gonzalez whining about the travel schedule you got Tim Wakefield's talking about coming back next year not to help the team win a championship, but to get 207 wins and become the all time leader for the sox. It's disgusting.  

   I'm not gonna do a breakdown of the game and go on and on about how a guy who wants big money blew the biggest game of the year and how the 20 million dollar man dropped a ball that Dante Bichette could have caught because it should not have come down to game 162. The sox blew the biggest lead in the history of baseball. They were playing to their potential in the summer and thought they could just turn on cruise control and coast to the postseason.  Unfortunately, the team shit themselves, fell asleep at the wheel, and crashed into the front window of the drug store like a man with Alzheimer's.   

Good Weekend of College Ball

First off last nights NFL kickoff was a ballin game. That last play gets me wet everytime i see it and ive been watch the same sportscenter and first and ten all morning so my panties are moist to say the least.

Second off Rescue Me ended therefore so has my life.....

Third off SYKE cause college football is looking good this weekend with Bama at Penn St and the struggling Fighting Irish head to the Big House to take on Michigan in a the first night game. But you already knew that. UCF is playing BC, hopefully BC can use there $50,000 tuition brains and get a fuckin W and make a statement against UCF, who in fact beat Georgia in there bowl game last year. I keep the faith.

ND at Michigan - Good luck ND in the BIG House, with quarteback confusion and the first night game there, pff ya right. But really im excited for this game should be a good one...im basing that off nothing so ya.

Denard Robinson - 28

Flopping Irish - 20

Bama at PSU - This should be interesting. Id normally take Bama just cause there Bama and they do good football stuff, but playing in a game in one of the biggest stadiums in college football ehhhh i dn.

Joe Pa's Lion Cubs - 21

Roll Tide - 20

BC at UCF - Maybe i think this will be good just cause im a stubborn headed boston irish mother fucker and im more loyal to my teams then i am to myself.... anyway. BC has serious potential they got a solid linebacking core lead by Luke Keuchly, Chase Rettig at Q who id take over Shinkes jeryatric ass, and a pair of hands in sophmore reciever Bobby Swiggert. It all comes down to if Montel Harris plays i think though. I could go on for days but before my semi turns to a full on woody...

Newton Nutjobs - 24

UCF Golden Dildos - 17

just saw this on espn classic, fuckin sick

COLLEGE FOOTBALL TONIGHT

College football begins tonight. Thank you sweet baby jesus. Yeah maybe its UNLV and Wisconsin and Louisville and Murray St. But none the less its game time.

GO BC!

ps this is what its all about

Paul Pierce Almost Dies Playing in China Because The Courts Are in The Middle of Opium Dens

Yahoo: While playing in Shuangyashan, Heilongjiang province… Pierce and Beasley both suffered asthma attacks due to large amounts of fans smoking cigarettes inside the stadium. After the game, things got even more shocking when Beasley fell to the floor in his hotel and started to roll around in obvious pain, scaring everyone around half-to-death. At that point, there was no choice but to dial 120 (the number for an ambulance in China) and take him to the hospital.

    Well I hope David Stern is happy.  I understand that business is business and that financially the NBA is all over the place.  It amazes me that despite a salary cap small market teams struggle worse in the NBA than those in the MLB. It is clear that somethings gotta give and NBA execs need to sit down and figure out what to do to prevent every major market from doing what the Miami Heat did but I'll save the business issue for another blog and focus this one on players going overseas to make money.  

   Superstars like Kobe Bryant, Kevin Durant, etc. going overseas to play during the lockout is absolutely ridiculous.  I understand that they're not seeing any money from their NBA teams, but last I checked the lockout does not prevent sponsors like Nike, Adidas, Gatorade, etc. from paying them.  Is every player in the NBA as financially irresponsable as Antwan Walker? These guys are making tens of millions of dollars a year yet they have so little in the bank that their children will starve and they'll lose their house if they don't play in Europe or China?

   I don't understand the "I just want to play basketball" excuse either. Why don't the top superstars in the league make a superteam of their own and go on a cross country tour where they take on the likes of the Harlem Globe Trotters and the And1 street ball team? They can show them how its really done.  

   On a serious note, what's the difference if you're scoring 600 points a game on the blacktop in Philly or you're scoring 600 points a game in an opium den in China? The only difference is you're getting paid to play in China so drop the "I love the game" bullshit.  

    Now I'm not going to argue that superstars shouldn't be going overseas because they might get injured; because lets face it, these guys aren't going to sit on their couches during the lockout there going to play ball. The difference between staying here and going abroad is the top medical facilities in the world are located in the United States. If Kobe plays in Eastbumfuck, China there might only be one hospital in a 100 mile radius and what are the chances that hospital will have the same resources as a hospital in LA, not to mention the language barrier. This is a nothing but a recipe for disaster.   

    I understand that the NBA is becoming a global brand and that teams are offering them big bucks to come and play abroad.  However, I fear that stories like Pierce having an asthma attack during a game because everyone and their mother is smoking in the arena will become the norm.  I also fear that as more and more players go overseas the horror stories of the playing conditions will get worse.  

   The NBA superstars of today should take after the best of all time, Michael Jordan. Take a year off from basketball, gamble irresponsibly and try out for a minor league baseball team. Last time I checked Jordan won three championships after taking a year off to play baseball, so if it worked for him it'll work for everyone right? All celtics fans should be calling Theo Epstein begging him to open up some roster spots on the Portland Sea Dogs for the big 3. This could not only bring three more championships to the city of champions but it could save Paul Pierce from dying of lung cancer from second hand smoke.   

Looks Like CJ2K Will Be in Uniform Week 1

ProFootballTalk: NFL Network’s Michael Lombardi said Tuesday night that the Titans are “ready to make an offer” that would get Chris Johnson under contract.

“They’ve opened up the bank vault. . . . . It looks like they’re going to pay him,” Lombardi said tuesday night, indicating a potential deal is possible by the end of the weekend.

   Now I don't want to jinx anything because I have him on one of my fantasy teams but it appears that all fantasy owners can breath easy because Chris Johnson will be between the tackles on September 11th, narrowly avoiding a view from his couch.  The real story here is what the hell have the Titans been waiting for? Has no one in their front office noticed that their starting quarterback is Matt Hasselbeck? Saying he's on the back nine of the career is an understatement, the dude hasn't played a full season since 2007 and has really never done anything noteworthy in his career but hand the ball off to Shaun Alexander.   

   Regardless of who's playing quarterback Chris Johnson is the definition of the game changer. He's got, "running away from the cops speed," as Gus Johnson so eloquently put it and is arguably the fastest man in the NFL.  He's been a top 5 runningback for the last three seasons yet he is one of the lowest paid, earning just over 500k. In an occupation where athletes are dying in their 40's because of what they do during their playing career this gross underpayment is unacceptable. Especially considering the Titans probably make more than that on his jersey sales alone.  With no guaranteed contracts and players getting hurt all the time CJ2K deserves to make money now, while he's young and healthy. Give him a nice fat signing bonus and some guaranteed money for the next 2-3 years then if he sucks and is constantly battling injuries when he's 29 you cut him or restructure his deal. 

    The Titans are going nowhere fast, but without Chris Johnson it would be surprising if they didn't get the first pick in next years draft.  However, lets hope the reports are true and the two sides are going to make a compromise that puts CJ2K on the field for game one.         

RAW Tonight

Monday Morning Blues

Fuck Mondays seriously. Whatever though another day and other dollar I guess. I feel like old grundel but at least im doing better then Hoff was when he made this drunken hamburger video. Guys a douche, wildcard non the least.

Was That It?

    So Irene is hitting us tomorrow right because there's no way the rain shower we got today was the ferocious storm everyone was hyping up. The picture taken above might not have been taken today but I'm sure you could have taken a similar one somewhere on the Cape. Ya, some branches got knocked down, some people lost power, there were some floods but this thing was wayy over hyped.  They were making this storm out to be the East Coast version of Katrina and it ended up having about as much intensity as J.D. Drew.  Don't give me that "Better safe that sorry" bullshit.  The fact is billions of dollars were wasted today.  I understand that weather is a scary thing because it's something we have no control over and that theses things can be unpredictable. However, you cannot tell me that when the storm hit North Carolina and was barley a category 1 hurricane officials up here couldn't have toned down the natural disatser relief effort.
    Fact is, last week forecasters started talking about how this could potentially be a category 4 hurricane and suddenly everyone turned into chicken little running around like the sky was falling.  On top of this Joe Blow over at the weather channel doesn't want to admit he's wrong and who would? I mean if I thought that I could say whatever I wanted with no repercussions and get some face time I absolutely would.  Then you get to stand out in the storm like a little kid so every 5 minutes the station can cut to a live feed of a you and you can tell them information they could have gotten by looking out a fucking window.
   The worst part about this is that it makes the Northeast look like a buncha pussies. Everyone and their mother is laughing at us.  You know how we think southerners are fucking crazy for freaking out over 3 inches of snow? That's what we look like to the people of Florida, Texas, Louisiana, etc. So maybe next time we should take the forecasts with a grain of salt and think our heads not our emotions.

This is a Joke Right?

The Guardain “It may not rank as the most compelling reason to curb greenhouse gases, but reducing our emissions might just save humanity from a pre-emptive alien attack, scientists claim.

Watching from afar, extraterrestrial beings might view changes in Earth's atmosphere as symptomatic of a civilisation growing out of control – and take drastic action to keep us from becoming a more serious threat, the researchers explain.”

I guess this is what my taxes are paying for? You’d think the massive budget cuts for NASA would force them to focus on the important issues but I guess not. I am permanently indebted to the fine folks at NASA for inventing the microwave oven (how else would I be able to instantly enjoy a meal thats frozen on the outside and white hot on the inside?) but this is ridiculous.  What’s next if we don’t curb greenhouse gas emissions is Santa gonna stop bringing children gifts on Christmas?

Hurricane Irene Masturbating on the East Coast

I was so off on the hurricane thing. Everyone was freaking out about and im sitting here saying shit aint going to happen and all that jazz. Watching the news this AM and see that New York City is contemplating shutting power off. This shit is real as balls people. What the fuck is going to happen if New Yorkers cant use electricity. Stock market will crash and maybe the Yankees and Giants and Jets will get washed out to sea. We'll see what happens though. God Speed and God Bless.

Das Boot

Crosby's Brain Isnt Functiong to Well

Yahoo Sports - Another report came out earlier this week that Sidney Crosby(notes) had suffered a setback in his attempt to recover from concussion symptoms and would not be ready to start the NHL season in October as a result.

Poor Sidney. Poor Guy cant even get a skate in without peeling over and vomiting everything he ate for the last week. Concussions are a bitch and half, but this guy sounds like hes got some serious fuckin trama going on. As much as i dont like Crosby, because he put the game winner in against USA in the Olympics or cause he plays for the Penguins or because hes kinda a whiney little bitch, i like him a lot more then Ovechkin. Ovi is just an arrogant fuck. Ya hes good like real fuckin good. Scoring goals from the seat of his ass and wearing the fuck out of the gap in between his teeth and what not. But to me he's like the LeBron of the NHL. They do have plenty of things in common though. They have commercials, shitty teamates and no rings of a championship sort.

On a Serious Note i hope Crosby gets back soon, hell of player to watch. Im sure when he beats the B's in OT of the Conference Finals ill be wishing death upon him .

Das Boot

Tanton Doss Breaking Up Fights In B-More

Yahoo Sports - Before Thursday night's Ravens/Redskins game, Doss happened to see a fight at a Five Guys restaurant in Baltimore's Inner Harbor. He wasn't having it. Despite the fact that one guy had a knife, Doss intervened and broke up the fight.

Here's the report from Doss himself on Twitter:

Jus had to break up a fight at five guys. Baltimore is too ratchet!!!

I nearly jizzed when i read this article. Tanton Doss from the Ravens breaks up a fight at a Five Guys pizza. For the record ive never been but i heard good things. Anywho, this happened to go down in Baltimore the home of the setting for The Wire. Greatest show off tv right now, i dont know why its so great the characters and the story line just reel me in and i cant stop watching. I banged out all the seasons in about a month or less was addicted, actually thought i was in the show. Caught myself running and screaming "Omars coming! Omars Back" everytime my suitmate would walk dow the street. I wonder what corner this went down on. If it was a Barkdsale coner or Stanfield? RIP BODIE

Das Boot

Tunecheese Bustin His Dome Trying to do Kareem Campbell Stuff

Monsterandcritics.com - Lil Wayne needed nine stitches to close a bloody wound over his left eye after a skateboard accident. The bad boy rapper crashed at a park in St Louis, Missouri, and was rushed to a local hospital where he was treated and then released. The next morning, he sent out this tweet about the fall. - Twitter/Splash News.

What the fuck Lil Wayne, cant land a kickflip, comon get you shit together. Im not really a Weezy fan or Tunechi whatever the fuck that means. I was back in the day in like frosh sophmore year and the Carter 3 was sick. As of late not really vibing him to much. Anyway i dont know hat hes doing skateboarding and shit isnt he supposed to slanging rock or doing other gansta shit or stealing peoples stash money like Omar from The Wire. That dude mightve been gay but he was bad as fuck. Deff would kicked Tunecheeses ass or whatever he goes by.

Das Boot

Can the Bruins Please Get Their Shit Together

ESPN There doesn't seem to be any progress to report in the negotiations with restricted free agent Brad Marchand on a new contract. Marchand's agent Wade Arnott told CSNNE.com Thursday that there is a chance Marchand could arrive for camp which starts September 16 unsigned. 


Did someone forget to tell Peter Chiarelli that Marchand scored 11 goals and had 19 points in the playoffs this year? Seriously I don't care if he wants all the tea in China, give the man what he wants and get him on the ice.  A 2nd line composed of Marchand and Bergeron could be a force to be reckoned with, and providing they both stay healthy the tag team could be around as long as Al Davis. On top of this Marchand is one of those players in the NHL that teams keep an eye out for not necessarily because he's a playmaker but because he has the ability to ruffle the feathers of opponents.  Just look at how the Sedin sisters fell apart in the Stanley Cup Final.  Bottom line is even when he's not showing up on the score sheet Marchand has a huge impact on the game and needs to be locked up now before his stock goes up any higher.   

Can You Smell It?!

Well its almost that time of year again. Kids are pissed off about school starting, high school double sessions, mother and fathers finally ready to send there kids off to school so they can get some afternoon delight without the kids being around and most importantly college fuckin' football. College football may be the greatest thing in the entire world rivaling internet porn. There is just something about it, waking up on a saturday mornign fresh off a hangover and the tatse of vommit in your mouth, pour yourself a bowl of lucky charms and put the tube on to see Lee Corso making and ass out of himself or Lou Holtz slurring his words like the jerryatric fuck he is. (but seriously hes old and im worried about it) College ball is not like the pros, a bunch of assholes holding out camp and what not so they can make a extra couple mil a year. There kids 18 - 22ish that just are there to play football, not attend classes, seriosuly fuck classes. There just playing ball to get to the show.

As many of you know there has been much controvesery this offseason. Starting with the shit eater Cam Newton and his agent drama, Jim Kelly in Oregon, The Buckeyes Breakdown losing Jim Tressel and Terrell Pryor, and the latest with THE U and LSU Beatdown. Look all this shit happens with the agents and buying kids shit. This has been going on for years and all of sudden its a huge fuckin problem. People gotta Relax and just let nature happen. Just cause you get rid of Terrell Pryor doesnt mean that a kid that plays for any other team in the country isnt going to accept ot sell gift for some cash. Kids will be kills and so will athletes with egos. If theres one thing that people should be fixing is the god forsaken awful BCS bowlshit. I cant even get into how awful it is. Make a playoff system for christ sake....oh wait will that cost money? Thats right the BCS brings in money and thats why itll never go anytime soon. So are the people behind the BCS ju

st as bad as the kids accepting escalades and hookers and blow and yachts and selling shit for tatts. Yes they are, the only difference is that the kids who do this shit arent professionsals like the people making decisions. So at the end of the day you cant blame the kids playing the game.

All in all ya college football may be corrupt, but that doesnt mean im not going to get a hard on when i watch the Fighting Irish on a

Saturday night take it into overtime and play "Hail to the Victor when they win. I like it, i love it, i want to watch college football all year long.

-Das Boot

Punch Drunk Sports

Welcome to Punch Drunk Sports Blog, bringing you your daily dose of nonsense, booze, sex, drugs, sports and more drugs and booze. A little background on the writers of P.D. we have no degree in writing anything, I myself barely graduated high school. We lack in degrees and grammar but we have points to be made and at the end of the day that's all that matters. We're like the WWE when they were in the WWF Attitude era, we talk shit, smash you with trash cans and steel chairs and we dont give a fuck what the man says. I hope you enjoy the blog and let the blogging begin....

Das Boot

Luscious Lou