Celtics Trade Doc Rivers to Clippers

     The Celtics have traded Doc Rivers to the Clippers for a first round pick.  The writing was on the wall but this is a bitter sweet moment for the Celtics nonetheless.  They are giving up one of the best coaches in the NBA.  That being said, if a rebuilding team can trade their coach for a first round draft pick you do it every day and twice on Sunday.  Did Doc Rivers help Boston look more attractive to prospective free agents? Yes; however the unattractiveness of the long term roster of the Celtics more than out weighs the attractiveness of Doc.  Also, it doesn't make sense to pay someone $7 million a year to coach a team that is destined for the lottery.This is the first of many steps the Celtics must take if they wish to raise banner 18 somewhere down the road.  

     It looks like Stern isn't going to allow KG to be traded to the Clippers in a separate deal so it will be intriguing to see what the C's do with KG and Pierce as free agency approaches.  If I'm sitting in Danny Ainge's seat I would amnesty KG and buyout Pierce. I wouldn't half ass blowing up this roster.  I'd prefer 2-5 years in the basement to become relevant again than the nearly 20 years of mediocrity they had between the twilight of Bird's career and Ainge bringing in the Big Three.  

Feds Want Reduce the Legal Limit from .08 to.05

CNN: The National Transportation Safety Board recommended on Tuesday that all 50 states adopt a blood-alcohol content (BAC) cutoff of 0.05 compared to the 0.08 standard on the books today and used by law enforcement and the courts to prosecute drunk driving.The idea for a tighter standard is part of a safety board initiative outlined in a staff report and approved by the panel to eventually eliminate drunk driving, which accounts for about a third of all road deaths in the United States.

     I don't understand politicians. If you drive drunk you're an idiot and deserve all the punishment they throw at you.  That being said lowering the legal limit is not going to reduce drunk driving incidents.  People that get in accidents and kill people while drunk aren't hovering around the .08 mark.  Reality is if you're .08 and below and you get in a crash it wasn't because you were drunk it's because you are a shitty driver.  Lowering the limit won't make anyone any safer.  It might stop people from enjoying an adult beverage while eating their primo boneless wings at Applebee's but it won't stop some red nose booze bag from driving home from the bar. 

Sergio Garcia's Collapse Was Easily The Highlight of My Weekend

     The Player's Championship lived up to the hype this weekend as the best non-major tournament on the PGA Schedule.  Whether you love Tiger or hate Tiger we can all agree it was amazing to see Sergio Garcia shit it pants when he was tied for the lead with two holes left.  Watching the co-leader of the tournament put three shots in the drink in two holes is one of the great things about golf.  When stuff like that happens it makes me feel great about myself.  It give me the illusion that if I wanted to, I could throw out my Xbox, hit the driving range, and play on tour.  What makes it even sweeter is that Sergio blamed a poor shot on Sunday on someone (Tiger Woods) pulling a club out of their bag during his backswing.  It doesn't get any more ridiculous than that.  What's next, he sucked today because the sky was too blue?  

Girl Arrested After Attempting To Flush Her Baby At School

PENN: Cherlie Lafleur, 19, was arrested after a custodian at McCaskey East High School in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, discovered the body of a young baby in a trash can in the ladies restroom at the school on Tuesday.The teen reportedly first attempted to flush the child down the toilet. But when that didn’t work, she deposited the body in the trash can. 
     An autopsy has found that the baby was about 28 weeks gestation, well past the point of viability. Police have not yet determined whether the child was stillborn or alive at birth. “We can not always determine if there was a heartbeat at the time,” said the coroner. Surveillance footage at the school allowed police to track down Lafleur as the suspect. The teen has been charged with concealing the death of a child. 

     Stories like this one are the reason why the FDA approved over the counter use of Plan B for everyone 15 and older.  The only thing worse than a bunch of babies with stupid teenage parents is a trash barrel full of dead babies.  If I was in charge they would just serve school lunches with a side of plan B every day, or  maybe they could just put out a new Plan B carton of lunch milk.  At the very least schools could mail out birth control to anyone that gets below a C average. Let's face it if you get below a C in high school class you probably shouldn't be passing your genes down to another generation anyway.
   

Jon Jones Is a Freak

     Admittedly, I am not the most knowledgeable person when it comes to MMA but watching Jon Jones do what he did tonight was incredible.  I imagine this would be how I would have felt after Kobe dropped 81 in 2006 if I didn't hate Kobe and the Lakers almost as much as I love Paul Pierce and the Celtics.

     Jon Jones just owned the entire night.  From his entrance, to the fight to the post victory interview it was just straight dominance.  He had the look of a college kid on the first nice day of spring when he was walking out of the tunnel to Bob Marley.  Then not only does he dominate Chale Sonnen he does so with Chale's own strategy, just to add an extra fuck you to the win.  Jones has a 10 inch reach advantage but decided he didn't care and was going to win the match by grappling/ pounding the shit out of Sonnen's face from two inches away.  The man is Jordan of his sport.  

PS Dana White would be idiotic if he didn't back up the Brinks truck and get Anderson Silva to fight Jon Jones.  

   

Woman Outed By Her Mother's Obituary Is Promptly Fired For Having the Gays

CBS Cleveland:  A former physical education teacher lost her job because of her relationship with another woman. The private life of former Bishop Watterson High School educator Carla Hale became public when her female partner was listed as a surviving family member in her mother’s obituary. Soon after the article was published, a parent anonymously notified the Roman Catholic Diocese of Columbus about Hale’s sexuality. A few weeks later, Hale was fired after 19 years of working at the school. 

     I can't decide what part is less shocking, that the female gym teacher was a lesbo or that a Catholic school terminated her employment when they found out she was gay.  Who's at fault here?  What was the school expecting when they hired a woman who's wardrobe consisted of nothing but tracksuits, white polos and khaki shorts?  Also, there's no way to know for sure but there's at least a 90% chance she was rocking the boys-regular from SuperCuts.  At the same time what was this woman thinking? Why would you choose to work at a place that views you as a second class citizen just because you enjoy keeping your genitalia in close proximity to other like it? 
     Imagine how miserable you have to be to scour through the obituaries for your kid's gym teacher's dead mother?  I'd bet the woman that reported the PE teacher to the school was just upset her fat piece of shit son got a lousy grade in health because he couldn't label the clitoris correctly.  If there were any mysteries surrounding the death of the lesbo's mother I totally just solved it. 

Just Manny Being Manny

     Gotta love Manny.  He's easily the best right-handed hitter to ever wear a Red Sox uniform.  I think there's a case to be made for Manny as the best right-handed hitter of all time.  There's no denying he is hands down in the top five most electrifying players in history.  Manny Ramirez in his prime was the people's champion of baseball.  His baggy pants and effortless swing made him a dream to watch. There will never be another threat in the middle of a lineup that is as scary to face as Manny was. Not only was he incredibly talented but he was incredibly clutch.

     Part of the reason it's been so tough to watch the Red Sox over the past few years is because they have lacked that dominant player.  When Manny was at the plate you stopped whatever you were doing and you watched.  You didn't care if you were on the phone, doing work, or on the computer you wanted to see what he was going to do.  Slowly, we must all come to grips with the reality that the Sox will never have a player like Manny again.  The sooner everyone accepts that the sooner we can enjoy the Red Sox as much as we did from 2001-2008.  

Is This The Worst Campaign Bumper Sticker of All Time?

     Believe it or not this is a real thing that an already elected official supports.  That's America for you I guess. I'm not really sure what this guy is getting at to be honest because last time I checked the criteria for being a baby included being born.  I thought any pre-birth thing was a fetus and then once it transcended the vagina it became a baby, but what do I know?

PS: This made me think of a phenomial dilemma.  If the government only allowed guns or abortions which would you want ?

Insufferable David Stern Fines KD 25k For A Making A Throat Slitting Motion After A Monster Dunk

The 4 Letter: The NBA has fined Oklahoma City star Kevin Durant $25,000 for making a "menacing gesture," when he pretended to slice his throat after throwing down a big dunk during the Thunder's victory against the Golden State Warriors on Thursday night.

Is this really the biggest thing David Stern has to worry about?  How many days until this guy retires? 25k is chunk change to Kevin Durant but that doesn't change the fact that he did nothing wrong.  While David Stern's at it why doesn't he fine anyone that has ever made the motion of holstering a gun after hitting a big shot.  The fact that Kevin Durant was asked what his intentions were after the game is almost as ridiculous as the fine.  It's pretty obvious why he did it.  He just made a monster dunk that completely demoralized the other team.  It's not like he did it because he secretly wants to kill everyone on the Warriors.

P.S. If LeBron pulls this no one says shit right?

Does Anyone Care If There Are Gay Football Players?

     All the major media outlets can't stop speculating about the possibility of their being an openly gay player in the NFL. Did I miss the memo about gays being slower than straight people? Is there some correlation between sexual preference and how well you can tackle?  Sure when I say "gay guy" you probably picture a dude wearing eyeliner and a tight pants not a linebacker, but last time I checked, the majority of straight dudes aren't professional athletes either.

     As a future undrafted free agent, I think it's worth reporting teams are asking players about their sexuality.  Also it's pretty entertaining to watch some of the NFL players out themselves as homophobes.  If you were first round talent headed into the draft you'd be crazy not say you were gay.  Workout on your pro day in a rainbow leotard leg warmers and lipstick.  Then say all the girls you dated were beards. You would automatically be drafted first because every team that passed on you would get called homophobes by the media.  There would be rallies at the stadium of every team that passed on you, no team wants that.  Then when you retire you write a tell all book about how you are really straight and you were just taking one for the team.  No matter how shitty your football career is you will get two go abouts on the media circuit.  Hell, they'll probably immortalize you in a 30 for 30 or something too.   

Can Someone Please Explain The Pray For Ware Movement?

     Talk about a first world problem.  Praying for a guy with a broken leg?  I don't understand all the support this guys is getting.  Dude broke is leg in a freak play.  I'm sure it hurt, but it's not like he was in the middle of the woods or in a battlefield.  Paramedics were headed over to him before he even made it over the bench area.  Sure it looked bad but at the end of the day it's just a broken leg.  The guys not going to lose his leg or his ability to walk so what's the big deal?
     There are literally an infinite number things people could be praying for but today the most pushing issue is that someone most people never head of two weeks ago and will forget about 2 weeks from now broke his leg.  Did I miss the part where we have doctors to heal the bone in stead of the prayers; like if everyone at home had just chanted The Our Father would he have been good to go for the second half?
     Isn't praying reserved for life and death situations that might not have an good outlook? Maybe I'm just an asshole but praying for a dude that broke his leg kinda seems like a waste of a prayer to me.  Either way he's going to get the bone reset and have a rod screwed in.  Unless the ambulance that took him to the hospital was struck by an asteroid his chances of death are zero.
     I realize the church is trying to capture the younger audience and I'm pretty sure I've figured out how they are going to do it.  I bet when you go in for reconciliation now instead of just making you do "Four Hail Marys and an Our Father" for using the lord's name in vain you gotta share a picture one Facebook and tweet your favorite bible verse out.

Red Sox Season Preview

     The Red Sox haven't been to the playoffs since 2009 and haven't won a playoff game since 2008. Barring an immense amount of luck that is not going to change this season.  There's an outside chance they get the second wildcard spot but it's a long shot. The AL East is going to be the most competitive division in baseball, and with Houston moving to the AL West that division is basically guaranteed a wildcard team.
     That being said I'm still excited for the season.  I think it's pretty safe to say they hit bottom last year.  I think they'll probably win between 79 and 83 games this year.  They'll be within reach of the second wildcard spot come September, but unless John Farrell is a miracle worker they won't have the starting pitching to make a run.
     This little recession in performance is awesome in my opinion. It's weeding out all the people who don't give a shit.  Ticket prices on the secondary market are way down.  I think I might be able to go to Fenway for the first time since I was in elementary school and not see a pink hat.  Now if we can just get John Henry and crew to stop playing Sweet Caroline in the middle of the 8th inning every night.

Guy Puts Up 10k For Anyone Who Wants To Debate The Book of Genesis

 Yahoo: Joseph Mastropaolo is taking a decidedly happy-go-lucky approach, saying he hopes the contest will improve future discussions on both sides of the argument. "The evolutionists thereafter could read that transcript and make their case a bit stronger on the next one they contend against and we can do the same," Mastropaolo told the Guardian. "We can read the transcript and not have to go through the same process over and over and over again without any let up, without any resolution."Mastropaolo’s plan is to put $10,000 of his own money into an escrow account. His debate opponent would be asked to do the same. They would then jointly agree on a judge based on a list of possible candidates. Mastropaolo said that any evidence presented in the trial must be “scientific, objective, valid, reliable and calibrated."

     As much as I want to give this guy a bunch of shit for choosing to ignore 6th grade science class and focus on this magical book I'm not going to. I want to focus on the whole argument set up; it's genius.  I didn't realize you could organize a formal debate like this.  Is there some kind of networking site where people organize these types of things?  Can I join up and get into a low stakes debate and work my way up the ranks?  I'd really like to explore my options here, I feel like they're limitless.  Can you pick which side of the debate you're on because that is kinda cheating.  Also, when the time comes for a tournament of champions in addition to judges can we hire time keepers and referees for the physical challenge portion of the debate. I think I could created some kind of hybrid Spartan Race/Spelling Bee organization that let's people debate each other.  With all these new sports networks there's a lot of air time up for grabs.  There's gotta be air time for a World Series of Arguing on one of these networks.  Anyone know how I can get in touch with Leslie Moonves?

Head of Sony Pictures Wants Gay Slurs And Sterotypes Out Of Movies

Deadline: It’s rare for moguls to push moral responsibility to Hollywood, let alone action. Last night at a sold-out LA Gay & Lesbian Center gala that raised $1 million for homeless gay and lesbian youth, honoree Amy Pascal asked the industry to scrutinize its depiction of LGBT characters in film and television: “How about next time, when any of us are reading a script and it says words like fag, or faggot – homo – dyke – take a pencil and just cross it out”. 

     This is becoming unbearable. What's next no more fat jokes?  I guess I missed the memo that said it was unacceptable to point out people's differences. Yes, most gay characters follow gay stereotypes but most if not all other characters abide by one stereotype or another.  If you don't want to see a movie that uses faggot or nigger or retard don't watch it. It's that simple.  It's not like a movie executive has ever said, "the script is great but do you think we could work in some more gay slurs? I fucking hate gays and want everyone who sees this movie to know they should be second class citizens."  If LGBT supporters were really seeking equality why is it not ok to make fun anyone that falls under LGBT umbrella   According to these people it's ok to make fun of someone for any reason as long as that reason is not that they are gay.  That doesn't seem very equal to me.  

Is March Madness Overrated?

     I hate to come off as a contrarian hipster douche, but the more I think about it the more I realize March Madness is totally overrated.  Sure, there is an abundance of games in a short amount of time, that's cool I guess.  And who doesn't love giving $50 dollars to their stupid twat friend who filled out his bracket by flipping a coin?  My favorite part of this whole charade has to be when they trot president out on national TV to "reveal" his picks.  If the president of the United States has anything other than four one seeds (excluding any alma maters) in his final four he should immediately be impeached. The two minutes he takes to talk about his picks on TV is already borderline wasting too much of his time.  There's literally thousands of bigger issues he should be dealing with than this stupid tournament.  If you really care who anyone, regardless of their social standing, has as their 12-5 upset this year you need to take a hot bath with a toaster (make sure it's plugged in too).  
     I don't understand why there are so many teams in the tournament.  Actually that's a lie. It's big so it can make more money, but from a logical standpoint it makes no sense to me.  What is the deal with the outrage over the at-large teams that did/didn't make it? The amount of time spent bitching and moaning about one team deserving to be the sixty-eighth team over another is mind blowing to me.  News flash: they're the sixty-fucking-eighth team.  Does the sixty-eighth best team in the country really have/deserve a shot to be the champion? Say what you want about the BCS but isn't arguing who are the top two teams in the country a more captivating argument than who is the sixty-eighth? 
     The whole thing is just sickening to me.  The NCAA does everything they can to suck every last penny out of this tournament. Meanwhile they're banning players that take money for groceries.  I would love nothing more than to see the big five or six conferences come together to castrate the NCAA.  Simply ban together and decide they're going to do their own thing for basketball and football.  They could totally revamp the playoff systems in both sports to fall in line with the normal  playoff system like every other major sport in the world.  On top of that they can throw out the rule book and do whatever they want.  The cherry on top would have to be that the schools in this super conference would only have to split the money with other super conference schools.  There are way more reasons to do this than to not.  If we're lucky this will all fall into place by 2020.

March Madness Pick

     

     I'm absolutely kicking myself for not blogging this earlier but Louisville is going to win the tournament.  I realize after the amazing game they had tonight in the Big East Championship everyone is treating them like the first chick to sprout tits in middle school.  I've talking up Louisville to my buds all season.  

     Admittedly, I don't follow college basketball very closely but here's what I do know:  Peyton Siva can win.  If John Calapari didn't wiggle his way out of punishment for ignoring every fucking recruiting rule in the book there is no doubt in my mind Louisville wins it all.  On top of having that leader on the court that can dictate almost all aspects of the game they have, in my opinion, the best coach in college hoops.  

     As bad as Rick Pitino was with the Celtics the dude is an absolutely incredible college coach.  He just plain and simple knows what it takes to be successful on that level.  On top of that, the guy just exudes swag.  Whether he's strutting the sideline in an all white suit or fucking sluts in a TGI Fridays and paying them three grand to get an abortion, Pitino has this Paulie Walnuts "I'll do whatever's necessary to get the job done" vibe.  He's an intimidating character that no other coach wants to go up against.  While I'm sad to see Big East Basketball go the way of Brad Pitt's wife in Se7en I'm excited to see Pitino expose Duke and UNC for the overrated frauds they are.      

Magician Arrested For Being A Bookie

WCVB:

'Bra trick' magician arrested for illegal gaming-

The School Committee chairman whose infamous “bra trick” at a meeting led to his resignation from the board was arrested this week on an illegal gaming charge, the Patriot Ledger reported.  Russell FitzGerald, 51, was released on personal recognizance after being arraigned at Brockton District Court Friday on one charge of allowing or taking bets, said Assistant District Attorney Russ Eonas.

    First off, can someone please explain to me why gambling is illegal?  There's not a huge difference between some of the derivative trading that goes on on Wall St and gambling.  Someone on Wall St would never say it was gambling.  They'd tell you they have a "system" that minimizes risk and maximises profits.  Last time I checked, that guy watching TVG in his underwear, betting on horse races has a similar "system".
     Secondly, is there anything better than being know as the "bra trick" magician guy?  Michael Richards will always be "that nigger guy", Steve-O is "That mother-fucking crazy guy", this guy is apparently the infamous "bra trick guy".  I'm not really sure what this is referring to but judging by how they set it up I'm sure it was some pussification of America bullshit. 
     Does this guy have horny house wives coming up to him at the grocery store begging him to do the bra trick to them? They make it seem like seem like I should instantly recognize Russell FitzGerald the way you instantly recognize Ted Kaczynski.  I have to assume that because I have no clue who the fuck he is he must be one of those male sex symbols that only women and gay men know exist; like Adam Lambert.  

The Worst Part of The Sequester Is That A Study Looking Into Why Dykes Are Fat Will Not Be Completed

Brigham & Women's :  (provided by applicant: Sexual Orientation and Obesity: Test of a Gendered Biopsychosocial Model Obesity is one of the most critical public health issues affecting the U.S. today. Racial and socioeconomic disparities in the determinants, distribution, and consequences of obesity are receiving increasing attention; however, one area that is only beginning to be recognized is the striking interplay of gender and sexual orientation in obesity disparities. It is now well-established that women of minority sexual orientation are disproportionately affected by the obesity epidemic, with nearly three-quarters of adult lesbians overweight or obese, compared to half of heterosexual women. In stark contrast, among men, heterosexual males have nearly double the risk of obesity compared to gay males. Despite clear evidence from descriptive epidemiologic research that sexual orientation and gender markedly pattern obesity disparities, there is almost no prospective, analytic epidemiologic research into the causes of these disparities. It will be impossible to develop evidence-based preventive interventions unless we first answer basic questions about causal pathways, as we plan to do. Our study has high potential for public health impact not only for sexual minorities but also for heterosexuals, as we seek to uncover how processes of gender socialization may exacerbate obesity risk in both sexual minority females and heterosexual males. 

     Forget gun control, immigration, and health care how can we idly stand by and watch as the results of this sure-to-be Nobel Prize winning study gets flushed down the toilet? I guess this study, like many other great studies, is just too ahead of its time.  Just like the world was not ready for many of Niokola Tesla's great experiments the world clearly is not ready to know the reason why lesbians have a high propensity to be overweight. I'm such an idiot; I didn't even know that was a thing.  

    How did someone get over 700 grand a year for 2 years for this?  I'm almost positive two stoner psychology majors (is stoner psych major redundant?) came up with this study while they were roasted and submitted it as a joke.  How much of that 700k a year went towards Funyons and Doritos Locos Tacos? 

     Anyway, I really hope Barry O will step in with one of his trusty executive orders and get this thing the additional funding it needs.  This study is a potential JFK "to the moon" moment for Barack. If he can get this thing done before 2016 I'm pretty positive America will unanimously insist that he serves a third term.  

How Long Until Ed Hochuli Starts Wearing One of These During NFL Games?

     I'm sure the second Big Ed Hochuli saw this he called Roger Goddell to lobby for one of those bad boys before he even cleaned the cum off of his keyboard.  Honestly, as insufferable as Hochuli can be the NFL would be crazy not to do this with at least one game a week.  Who wouldn't pay for a channel that gives you a couple games a week from the refs point of view? No commercials, raw audio of the players, and no listening to Joe Buck, Bob Costas or Boomer Esiason; instead of watching the twenty plus clowns ESPN has breaking down Monday Night Football you can hear Pete Carroll tell the ref he stinks or Rex Ryan tell the ref to go fuck himself. It would completely change the way people watch football and hopefully kill the embarrassment that is the Red Zone Network.  

All These People Refusing To Play A Concert For The Boy Scouts Confuse Me.

   
     So recently there has been a lot of coverage by the media on performers like Carly Ray Jepsen and Train publicly declining to preform for the Boy Scouts.  Now as a disclaimer to this whole blog, I don't care who you fuck and I don't care who marry as long as its not a little boy/girl age infant to 17.  Also, while I don't agree with the Boy Scout's policy I don't think what they're doing is illegal.  Shitty? Sure but illegal? Absolutely not.
     Has anyone ever been upset because they got kicked out of the boy scouts for being a fairy? First off I don't know too many kids that are openly gay/ even know what gay is that are of age to be in the boy scouts.  Isn't this just a homophobic fear towards the troop leaders?  I figured everyone signed up for Boy Scouts for a year went on a crappy camping trip, built a car out of a block of wood, and sold   shitty popcorn then got out.  If you didn't get diddled by an old guy or explore your developing body with a peer it was considered a win.  When I was growing up Boy Scots was something you did until you figured out sports.  Once you could play little league baseball and in-town baskeball who the hell wants to go in the woods and sleep on the grond? (Future serial killers and pedophiles that's who).

     I don't understand why self-righteous Carley Ray Blowjob is above playing a gig for the Boy Scouts.  So you don't agree with their politics who cares? You have one good song that is already borderline irrelevant and a video online of you giving a really crappy blow job on the Internet.  I got news sweetie, pretty soon no one is going be calling you to do a concert so you need to make all the money you can now.  Who know's maybe you'll make another hit but you certainly won't be blowing you're way to the top.
     Why is this even a news story? We get it you don't want to get work for them but there's no need to announce it to the world that you aren't playing.  Maybe I'm just a dick, but if I was in this situation I would take the money and run.  Then when it comes time to preform you just rub the homophobia in their face. Come out just rocking head to toe glitter everything.  You could have some kind of phallic shaped object that all your back up daners and shit are throwing around and just pissing them off.  While that last sentence might make me seem homophobic, but if Carley Rae Blumpkin did that and the boy scouts freaked no one would be calling her a homophobe.

AD Claims Trainer Exaggerated Injury To Help Team Win

Boston Herald: (Statement from the AD) We believe that we were victims of bad sportsmanship and unprofessional behavior by both the trainer for Shawsheen Tech and its athletic director.

     We are alleging that during the fourth quarter forward Deandra Humphries was wrongfully disqualified by the athletic trainer with intent to change the outcome of the game. Humphries was clearly poked in the eye and was not struck in the head with any forceful impact.

     After the trainer was tending to Humphries, he quickly ruled her out for the game ruling that she was not responsive. Student was totally coherent and experienced no immediate headache and sensitivity to light. New Mission went on to lose the contest and Humphries was taken to the hospital where medical doctors at Children's Hospital in Boston declared her free of "any" concussion symptoms.

     What made me suspicious was the fact that earlier in the game, two ladies collided head to head. We sent one to the trainer where she was shortly sent back and not disqualified. This made me question the intent of the trainer because neither player (from the head to head collision) had a competitive impact on the game like Humphries.

     We are disappointed in this incident because we feel that it took away from a very competitive contest. Moving forward we would like for teams who have away games to travel with their own athletic trainers so subjective decisions like this would not impact or hurt the integrity of the game.

     I am 100% with the AD on this one.  I realize athletic directors have a bad reputation, and I'm not saying that reputation isn't deserved.  I just can't imagine a situation where a player gets a concussion in a girls basketball. I mean sure it could happen but I'd imagine it's about as common as seeing a a self-confident person eating at Cinnabon.  Before you get all butt hurt and think I'm a misogynistic prick let me point out that concussions are super rare in the NBA, the fastest, most elite level of basketball on the planet; so how could someone get a concussion in game with a final score totaling in the low seventies? 

     It should be noted that all of the blame does not go on the trainer here.  It's not like the chick got poked in the eye and trainer ran onto the court to stop the play and say the girl couldn't play.  I'm positive the girl who got hit was freaking out about her eye.   She probably had half the gym (I'd say ten people would be a liberal estimate) thinking she lost an eye.  

     You would never see a controversy like this in a guys' game.  If this happens in a boys' basketball game the kid is telling the trainer to go fuck himself while he jogs back down the court to play defense and probably bitching to the ref about not calling a foul.  If it just so happens the trainer is an attractive girl in her mid-twenties and the game is not important you might see some drama going on.  Either way, there is no way a dude playing in a closely contested state tournament game is letting the trainer anywhere near him.

P.S. Concussions are quickly become a building block for the Pussification of America  to build it's platform with.  

Head of Catholic Church In Scotland Admits To Inappropriate Sexual Behavior

     GB: In a statement issued by the Catholic church in Scotland, Cardinal Keith O’Brien has addressed allegations made against him by five priests within the church, and admitted that his “sexual conduct” has been “below the standards expected” of him.

     

     So I realize that this news is about as surprising as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west but you can't help but laugh.  Has there ever been a group that has lierally demonized a behavior  while still participating in it? I suppose if you look hard enough everyone is a hypocrite, but the Catholic Church just continues to out do itself.  

     There's something inherently funny about the thought of two priests giving it to each other. My head just instantly fills with important life questions that have no answers like: What's Jesus's policy on reach arounds? Do they drip prayer candle wax on each other's chest? Do they use a safe word or do they just ring the altar bells?

     In all seriousness though it's good to see that at least one person in the church is into saggy old balls instead of boinking little kids.  Maybe the good people over at Christian Mingle will set up a section just for priests that would like to sample other priests' "holy water".  I'm sure initially the Christian community will be outraged, but you get Don Draper to run an ad campaign explaining that it's an alternative to little kids getting diddled and I'm sure people will simmer down.  

     

Woman In Hot Water After Letting Her Son Pump Gas

The Smoking Gun: A Pennsylvania woman who allegedly allowed her three-year-old son to pump gas into the family car was charged today with endangering the welfare of a child, police report.

Theresa A. Moran Camara, 46, was named in amisdemeanor criminal complaint filed in District Court.

     According to investigators, cops responded last month to a Giant gas station in Lancaster “for a report of a toddler using the gas pump.” Officers discovered, however, that the child was no expert pump jockey.

     A witness, Gregory McCarter, reported that he had observed “a female instructing a very young child on how to pump gas into the vehicle.” McCarter, who said he saw the boy “pumping gas into the vehicle by himself,” added that, “the boy must have pulled the pump out before releasing the handle, because he ended up spraying gasoline onto himself.

     My gut reaction to this story was of the pussification of America variety. Then I saw the picture of the woman and after I was done choking on my vomit I realized this story is more complex than I originally thought. Would it really have killed her to get out of the car and pump her own gas? I suppose given her appearance and probable hygiene it's not out of the question but let's assume her ass is not fused with the captains chair.  

     I'm all for kids pumping gas.  One of the most fun things to do on a long road trip is to see who in the family can get a perfect pump. That being said you should probably wait till the kid can tie his shoes and wipe his own ass before you let him pump the gas. This kid wasn't even in kindergarten yet, really not ideal gas pumping age.  

     Now regardless of age, the issue here isn't the gross lazy mother it's the Dudley Dogooder  with the thick frame glasses wearing some weird fucking hat.  He's at the gas station and he see's Jabba the Hutt's wife letting her son pump gas.  Couldn't he have just given the mother one of those judgey looks that just eats though your soul? Or hey, how about just making a snarky comment to a frie... oh wait never mind.  Well you could take a picture and put it on the internet or God forbid you just act like you didn't see anything and walk away.  It's one thing if a cop was driving by, saw it and was like "Hey you... you.. you can't do that." but to call the cops is a just mind blowing to me.  I'm not sure I give a enough fucks about other people to look up from my phone while I'm at the gas station, let alone put in the effort to call the police and let them know what the fuck is going on.  

Why Is Everyone Beating On The Dead Horse That is the Red Sox?

ESPN: Former Boston Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon, who was with the team from 2005-11, said Saturday that he and numerous other Red Sox players were regularly injected with Toradol, a legal anti-inflammatory drug whose use has become increasingly controversial in sports.

Toradol is the nonsteroidal drug that Red Sox pitcher Clay Buchholz  acknowledged last season might have contributed to the esophagitis that sidelined him for 20 games. Buchholz was hospitalized in intensive care and lost three or four pints of blood while dealing with the condition, which is a known side effect of the painkiller.

Papelbon said that when he was administered a physical by the Philadelphia Phillies prior to signing as a free agent after the 2011 season, doctors asked him if he used Toradol. When he answered in the affirmative, he was told that he would have to stop.

     Hey I have a quick newsflash for ESPN but there is nothing wrong with Toradol.  It's just an anti-inflammatory, essentially it's a shot of Motrin in an inflamed area. Real scary huh? It's not any more or less dangerous than any other kind of anti-inflammatory.  It's a blood thinner and very hard on your stomach (so is Advil) and guess what, if you already have an ulcer and you use it you're gonna have a bad time like Clay.  It's pretty clear the Red Sox medical staff is far from a crack squad of the best doctors in the world, which is disappointing because Boston is arguably the medicine capital of the world but unless they knew Clay Buchholz had an ulcer they did nothing wrong.  
     I don't know if ESPN is trying to make a connection to Schilling's steroid allegations last week but I really don't see the story here.  The Red Sox training staff is using a legal drug to manage players discomfort.  What are we going to talk about next how they give them melatonin to help them fall asleep and encourage them to eat a lot of fruit?   

Husband of The Year Waterboards Wife With A Dog Bowl

CBS TAMPA: Orange City police say a man tried to kill his wife by holding her head in a dog bowl full of water after they fought over pizza.
     Police arrested Richard Watson, 47, after they received a violent disturbance report in an apartment. According to the police report, Debra Watson started watching the “12-12-12” benefit concert while her husband was in another room and he joined her after his show was over.
The two then got into a fight about the frozen pizza that was cooked after Richard Watson complained the crust was “raw” and flung his dinner plate on the floor. Debra Watson also threw her plate on the floor in response.

     Did anyone even hesitate to think this happened in Florida. I don't know what's in the water there but clearly they need more lithium.  If you didn't laugh out loud reading that news story you might wanna get checked for a pulse.  The only downside to the article is how much information it's missing.  A perfect example of the lazy journalism prevalent in the main stream media.  If I'm on this story there is no way I'm going to accept raw microwave pizza crust as the cause for this.  Before you freak out I'm not downplaying the atrocity that is raw microwave pizza but that's not enough to make you want to drown your wife in the dog bowl.  The bathtub maybe but a dog bowl?  Something else has got to be in play for a guy to not even want to take the time to fill up the tub to drown his wife.
     I have no clue what preexisting condition would be present for that kind of urgency to exist but I hope I never get to that point in a relationship.  Then again if I'm 47 and I'm still eating frozen pizza I'd probably be on edge too.